Have you ever heard the phrase:

“Jack of all trades…Master of none”

Well, that’s me. Or rather that’s what my own brain thinks of me. I think it’s also the story I have been told throughout my life as well. 

I have done many things: 

• Worked as a Magician 

• Worked as an Actor 

• Been a Semi-Pro Soccer Referee

• Worked in Finance

• Worked as a Personal Trainer

• Worked as a Marketer

• Worked as a Voice Over Artist

• Worked as a Sports Writer

• Worked as a Film Producer

• Worked as a Stage Manager

• Been CEO of a Theatre School Company 

A lot of things and I’m only 33 years old. In and of themselves they have all had success. They have all bought me happiness and an element of fulfillment. But, except for Personal Training, none of them have ever met up to Society’s norms of success for their field. 

I was always that likable kid. But never THE kid. I would always be third or fourth last from getting picked for the playground football team. I remember at College we had a students vs teachers Basketball game. I made the bench. I played for a total of 7 minutes. 

Let’s look at my High School Grades; I got straight B’s in 12 subjects.

I joined a Cricket Team. I was only ever trusted to Bowl to the 11th Batsman…and was known as the “That fielder guy”.

At Drama School, I graduated with a 2:1. My biggest achievement there was Olly Gomm saying to me: “You had a great third year. I really thought you would get a 1st” 

Olly got a 1st. Alas, I didn’t. I’m not a “1st kind of guy”.

I was also told at Drama School from my head of acting that my roles in the profession would be; I can remember Annie saying it to me now, “Rodney from Only Fools and Horses, Adam, you’re the best friend, the guy next door”

I’m a steady hand. The middle of the road. The guy you can rely on. I’m Benvolio, not Romeo. I’m Rosencrantz, not Hamlet. I’m Fabian, not Sir Andrew Aguecheek.

FYI…Fabian is the best part I have ever played. 

I do have some achievements in my life; I was Head Boy at school, which is no mean feat, but so was Alex Hocking the straight-A student who I always played second fiddle to in the eyes of my peers and teachers (not Alex, he’s a lovely man). 

I got into Drama School at 18 years of age. That is pretty much unheard of. But what it did to me was pretty rough, as I was one of the youngest, one of the most in-experienced actors in the year and felt well out of my depth for at least 2 years of my 3 years at Drama School.

I tell you all of this not because it’s fun to list my minor achievements and failures, but because understanding the person I am, and the narrative that has been throughout my life as the “nearly guy” the “nice guy” is crucial to understanding what my Imposter Syndrome is, and how I have to deal with it, hopefully giving you some ideas on how to keep moving forward when you get attacked by this anxiety. 

I learned from an early age that greatness was not something I was destined for. I’m not sure where that lesson came from, but I knew it to be true. 

However, I never listened to it. 

I never gave in. 

When I set my eyes on going to Drama School there wasn’t a soul on the planet that was going to stop me. I became very hedonistic, very stubborn, and very determined to achieve what I openly set out to achieve. Many, many people told me not to. Many, many people told me to “get a proper job” however the other voices I could hear in my mind were those of the bullies that had plagued my life. 

Telling me things like: 

“You’re not good looking enough to be an actor”

“You’re not good enough to be an actor”

“What makes you think you will get into Drama School?”

“Are you serious? You’re not even the best actor in our year”

And I wasn’t about to let them win. 

So I worked. 

Hard. 

I didn’t work just a little bit. I worked like a pig. I read every book I could, I saw every play I could, I watched, listened and absorbed as much information about how to become an Actor that I could possibly get my hands on. I wasn’t going to relent. I practiced my Monologues on Christmas Day, I used self-affirmations for my dream each and every day, I designed my life from the moment I made being an actor my goal, I designed my life to make that dream come true. 

I was like an athlete. Up early, training each day, not going to Social Events, and getting caught up in things that didn’t serve my goal. 

I was razor focussed

There wasn’t anything that was going to stop me. Especially my bullies. 

And this theme of working hard. This theme of being relentless is the thing that keeps my imposter syndrome at bay, and I notice it creeps up on me every time my workload drops. 

I now work as an Online Personal Trainer and I have to say that being in a much more public environment has definitely caused more imposter like feelings. 

Let me take you back to Hamley’s in Regent Street when I first started working as a Magician. I learned magic at the age of 16 on the film set of “About A Boy”, film sets are very boring places with a lot of waiting around and I happened to pick up a deck of cards and start learning how to manipulate them. Once Drama School was over, I decided to use this as a backup to earn some money. I so happened to start hanging out with a little group of Magicians based in Kent, who are without a doubt some of the top close-up magicians the UK has to offer. These guys were being flown all over Europe to perform at very exclusive parties for some very rich people.

I have always wanted to live my life by this one rule: 

“If you’re the best person in the room at what you do, you’re in the wrong room”

So I tried to cut it with these Magicians. But I was well out of my depth, and I knew deep down I would never get to their level. I felt like an imposter, and I knew I couldn’t work my way out of it this time…

Because I didn’t want to. I was crippled by my Imposter Syndrome. I didn’t think I could ever work hard enough to get as good as these people. 

So I gave up.

I let myself down. 

And now as a Personal Trainer, I still live by the same rule. 

But I’m not going to let myself down.

At Drama School, I worked my butt off. I worked my butt off before I got there, and when I got there. We had to do 6 days a week, 12 hours a day for three years. 

I had two days off in three years, both for Hospital Appointments for my Heart Condition. 

As a Personal Trainer, I surround myself by the best in the business. I get them as Guests on my Podcast, I listen to their Podcasts, I read their books and I go to them for help. 

But this is a double-edged sword. 

Because when I hear them speak, when I hear them coach others, I have this very loud thought in my head:

“You will never be as good as them. All you do is repeat what you hear and copy what they say. They are better than you will ever be. What’s the point?”

Sometimes this thought drills me to a standstill. 

Sometimes I can pass it off as nonsense and carry on with my day.

But one thing it will never do is make me give up.

I know that hard work. Not just being tired. But relentless, obsessive hard work will one day shut that voice up. I don’t know when I don’t know how, but I know that it will. 

And I know this to be true because I did get into Drama School. 

I did stand on the Olivier Stage and speak Shakespeare. 

I can achieve what I want when I lose my ego, and knuckle down. 

Yes, I might be a jack of all trades, but I also know that whenever I apply myself to something, I make it work, through passion, confidence, and being honest with myself and those around me. 

Being a “Jack of All Trades” isn’t necessarily a bad thing when you have a job that requires extreme empathy and understanding of other people in many many many different situations. 

In fact, I’m learning to turn my weakness into my strength. Being a “Jack of All Trades” is helping me learn how to be a master of one.

I might not reach greatness. 

But I don’t need that. What I do need is to make sure that to those around me I remain humble, I remain honest, and I remain nice. 

It’s nice to be nice. 

And we all know that ‘nice guy's finish last’.

I’m ok with that.

Because in the same way, I would tell someone who wants to lose weight that there is no time limit, there is no rush. 

That you only fail when you give up.

I too am telling myself that I am not going to fail this time. I might well be Mr. Mediocre. I might well be Benvolio and not Romeo. 

But hard work always pays off in the end. 

And my pay off will be when that voice no longer screams: 

“You’re not good enough” 

I don’t need it to say:

“You’re so brilliant at what you do” either.

Silence will be more than enough. 

Afterall;

“Silence is the perfectest herald of joy” — Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare

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Coach Adam